American Idol, 17 January 2007
Night two of American Idol is even better than the first. The good part just keeps getting better with people like Misha and her look-alike mom.
The frizzy-haired duo, with lipstick like spackling, might be the most delightfully wrong thing that has happened to American Idol this year. Do I wish my girlfriend what hot like you? Well, no, I don’t, but thanks for asking. To their credit, Misha and her mother handle her rejection with grace and some sliver of dignity intact; a remarkable feat considering just how bad her audition was.
Somewhat Random Aside: Is American Idol an ingenuous plot to bring out the catty gay man in all of us? Talk about jumping to a potentially offensive stereotype…
Not Nearly So Random Aside: Has Paula embraced a new, drug-free self? If so, will her sobriety last much longer?
The strange voices and even stranger hairdos aren’t surprising in Seattle. I’ve always thought that Seattle is one of the most willfully odd cities in America, and more willing to embrace random acts of pointless rebellion than any other city I’ve visited. Which probably makes some of the willfully odd denizens of, say, Boulder on the defensive.
“No! Damn you, Zombyboy,” they say, “Recognize the focus and attention we put into our carefully prepared Pearl Street Mall panhandling outfits and busking routines.”
I see you, but I also saw that kid in the documentary Hype! Who walked around shoving things up his nose and pretending it was a normal thing. Seattle’s happy embrace of arrogant oddities (they put the “pose” back in “poseur”) was one of the things that made it so gratifying to see two of the best performers be such normal people. Keeping in mind that “best” in this context is setting a mighty low bar to clear, brother-sister pair Sanjaya and Shyamali had lovely voices, chose good songs, and acted like typical siblings.
Adorable.
Now bring back the freak show. Which leads us to a big thanks to Nicholas Zitzmann (good Lord, what a cruel name). The 27 year-old software engineer and saucer-eyed Idol wannabe brought one of the most torturous performances I’ve seen on the show. Speaking of setting a bar, that’s an Olympic level high jump in this company. To be one of the worst, you have to be bad. Donald Trump hairdo bad, if you know what I mean.
The judges were warranted in their brutal response to the massively untalented Zitzmann. We can only hope that their honesty will protect us from any public return-engagement from the awkward young man. If he never sings again, it will be a kindness.
In the later episodes, it is always refreshing to watch the sparring of Simon and Paula. That the two fight over such unremarkable talents as Rudy Cardenas only adds a few giggles to the mix. Cardenas has the kind of bland style that has done well on the show, though, so it wouldn’t be surprising to see him hanging around for a while.
But in all the fun, and between all the digital venom that can be spilled over the contestants, there is some inherent cruelty to the show. Letting kids like Kenneth Briggs embarrass themselves on TV and then let the cameras linger on their disappointed faces is mean enough. Simon’s “bush baby” comment is just a gratuitous shot at an easy target. Following it up with Jonathan Jayne’s pitiable performance pushes it right into a wincing moment.
And so the last hour of the show passes in a gray blur, the vicious commentary is leaden, and the bad contestants merely pathetic. But that really is American Idol, isn’t it?