I Hate Paula

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

American Idol: The South Will Rise Again Edition

American Idol hits Alabama—with makes Andy all jealous. With his unique musical skills, it’s a sure bet that he missed his shot at fame by not being at the audition (along with the 11,000 actual contestants).

As for me, all the southern accents just made me all giddy. For some reason.

In the beginning: Erica Sky sucks. I mean, seriously, hubba hubba, but damn…

Somebody should have warned her. Repeatedly. With a big, pointy stick if necessary. Because Erica Sky sucks.

And then, who the hell let the four year old in the room? Katie Bernard has one of the strangest, smallest speaking voices I’ve ever heard. She apparently sidestepped puberty on the way to the audition. Her singing, while better, was hardly a treat. If I had a choice, I would have been practicing my “no” voice.

Seems nice enough, though.

Less Random Aside Than it Might Otherwise Seem: Will Hugh Grant ever play someone other than Hugh Grant in a movie? He certainly does himself well—you know, slightly clueless, basically good hearted, almost painfully shallow—but is there anything else to the guy?

At least Tatiana McConnico did well. Nice voice.

Did you see that? Did you see how things went all flaccid when a decent, but not truly great, singer comes on the show? There isn’t quite enough talent to stand out and not enough personality to make her interesting. What the hell is a hypercritical bastard like me supposed to write about moments like that?

Bernard Williams II goes into that same category, although he shows it with a bit extra personality. And Paula was confused: he wasn’t off key.

The forced joviality and terrifying fuzzy clothing of Margaret Fowler brought back the entertainment value of the show (praise the Supreme Being). The fifty-year-old contestant wasn’t as bad as I would have suspected, and, frankly, she was far less irritating than most of the “interesting” contestants that go through the show.

Bravo!

None of which changes the fact that Jamie Lynn Ward’s tale of her mother’s infidelity and her father’s paralysis was one of the more interesting (and sad) stories told on the show. Which interests me not at all. Decent voice, bad song choice (personal opinion), and cute as all get out.

Another one to actually like (at very least on a personal level): Chris Somethingorother. Quick and funny, with a better voice than I expected, I liked this guy. Here’s hoping he stays on the show for a while.

Hair.

A distracting oddity.

I hate Josh Groban.

Not really fond of my own writing style at times, either.

Lakia Hill, whose voice was as bad as any I’ve heard and whose song choice was rendered indecipherable. Hideous, horrific, and something else bad that starts with “h”.

Semi-Random Aside: What this show needs is more cowbell.

Nichole Catzman was better than the judges credited her with and I do hope she tries again. She was at least as good as some of the other crap that they pass through (dig that visual). Her voice wasn’t great—but it probably should have been good enough.

Brandy was another story. She probably deserved even more cruelty than the judges provided. She was determined, but she was also bad.

Rubbish, indeed.

One thing I don’t hate is House. Brilliant show that someone keeps getting better with each show.