I Hate Paula

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Owen Wilson Needs a Little Help

I can’t imagine wanting to take the easy shots at Owen Wilson right now, which makes me feel a little hypocritical. I mean, look at the happy fun mean things I say about Lindsay Lohan and Pete Doherty.

But I like Owen Wilson. Not that I know the man, nor am I likely to, but he’s always seemed smart, funny as hell, and downright nice. I don’t want to see bad things happening to him and I can’t joke about what sounds like someone who truly needs a hand. Whatever is happening in his world--suicide attempts, heroin, and cocaine (which I thought was loads of fun, back in the day) I hope that he finds his way through it safely. There aren’t too many comedians of his brilliance running around the world--and damned if we don’t need a laugh or two.

Godspeed, Mr. Wilson. Your fans are pulling for you.

Read more.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

One Day in Jail. That’ll Show Her.

I’m sure that Lindsay Lohan will really learn her lesson after a day in jail.

Actress Lindsay Lohan must spend one day in jail after pleading guilty to drink driving and drug charges as part of a plea bargain.
She was put on three years’ probation, and must do community service and complete a drug treatment programme.

Lohan’s seven charges included driving while over the alcohol limit and being under the influence of cocaine.

The actress crashed her car in Los Angeles in May and was arrested again in July after being stopped by police.

She avoided more serious charges because she was only in possession of a small quantity of drugs both times she was arrested.

With her record, with the incredible profusion of recent idiocy, and with the fact that public morale would be hugely bolstered by her lengthy incarceration, you would have thought that the judge would have hooked us up with Lohan facing a long, long jail sentence in the bad kind of Office Space prison.

If you know what I mean.

Lohan papa Michael fears that his daughter will be harmed by her day serving extra-hard time.

He says, “She is a little girl who has been used by everybody around her because of her celebrity and that’s what’s landed her where she is. Now, she needs a helping hand, not a sentence.

“I’m against it. Jail would probably harm Lindsay more than help her.”

Lohan must now serve a 24-hour jail term, after the judge cut a mandatory four-day jail sentence in half and ordered her to carry out 10 days of community service.

Sure. It’s hard to imagine what might be gained by holding a stubborn, spoiled starlet like Lohan responsible for her own idiotic behavior and serially bad bad decisions. Why would we want to encourage the little princess to imagine that her actions might have real world consequences? Foolishness, I tell you.

Well, we do still have the near-inevitable Lindsay Lohan desperate-for-attention, career-on-the-rocks Playboy spread to look forward to.  Frankly, while that wouldn’t do a damned thing to salvage her dignity or her sagging fortunes, I always applaud starlet nudity. I’m shallow that way.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

God Bless Woz and His Super Prius

Apple fanatics will smile to hear that Woz (Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple, technology whiz, and all around goofball) was nabbed for speeding in his Prius. Which was my first indication that the Prius was capable of supra-legal speeds. Make that super-supra-legal speeds.

The Prius, Wozniak said, handled great at 104. And that wasn’t the first time he reached the speed that sends shudders down my I-like-60-mph spine. The first time came one Thanksgiving when he decided to drive down to a Bob’s Big Boy in Burbank.

“Highway 5 was empty that night and I made good time and was surprised to discover that the Prius was very stable, even with major gusting winds,” Wozniak said. “Being used to a Hummer I expected the opposite.”

Yep, he owns Hummers and hybrids. No, green-only, Birkenstock-loving guy.

Now Mr. Roadshow, of course, cannot condone speeding, especially after leading “Drive the Speed Limit Day” a few weeks ago. But Wozniak says he is sorry and that he has reformed his driving habits.

I always suspected that Woz had an inner bad boy; I just never expected he could indulge it in a Prius.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Pete Doherty: Still an Addict

Pete Doherty, of Babyshambles and the Libertines fame has to be the most fun addict in the world. Between his tempestuous, and tabloid feeding, relationship with fellow addict Kate Moss and his own relationship to crack, heroin, pot, and the occasional pill, Pete’s been a one man circus of “Don’t Try This at Home” fun. God bless him, he’s in trouble again.

Pete Doherty was arrested early on Monday on suspicion of drugs possession, a police source said. Doherty, 28, was arrested with two others, a man and a woman, after being stopped in a car in Tower Hamlets in east London.

To be fair, Babyshambles is actually a damned fine listen. It just isn’t near the fun of watching the Pete Doherty self-destructo show.