I Hate Paula

Thursday, February 22, 2007

American Idol: Don’t Come Around Here No More Edition

Group singing moments are always hideous, even when I like the songs like I did tonight. It’s like watching a marginal high school choral performance with some competing high points and no sense of flow. This one was better than others, but that’s hardly saying that I liked the thing.

If there is any justice, Paul and Sundance will be going home.

Brandon: safe. Sundance: safe. Chris Richardson: safe. Nick: safe. Blake: safe. Paul: gone. Poor, shoeless bastard.

That’s 50% right, but it leaves someone going home later who should still be on the show. Sundance was bad--and has been consistently bad every week except his audition--and should be gone.

Commercial Aside: The Gain new sent commercial was cute. Like a little bunny. Big smiles.

On the other side of the gender fence, Antonella and either Amy or Nicole (darnit) should be going home.

Jordin: safe. Stephanie: safe. Sabrina: safe. Leslie: safe. Antonella: safe. America loves boobies. Amy: gone.

Which, again, leaves Idol about 50% right (or maybe a little less this time since Antonella was so massively deserving of the boot).

Irritated Aside: Did Ryan Seacrest just cut off Quincy Jones? Man, that’s bad form: Quincy Jones is far more deserving of respect than that twerp. Simon should slap that little bastard. Bastard is the word of the day, in case you were wondering, you nosy bastard.

Happy Aside: Fantasia still has a wonderful voice (even if she sang a song that bored me to tears). It was nice to hear her singing again.

Haley: safe. Lakisha: safe. Gina: safe. Nicole: going home. Alaina: safe.

Which is probably right, but is still a shame. Nicole handled the rejection with grace and good humor. I would still say that Antonella should have been going home.

Back to the boys.

Chris Sligh: safe. Phew. Phil: safe. Jared: safe. AJ: safe. Rudy: gone. Sanjaya: safe.

It could easily have been Sanjaya, but I can’t say I’m disappointed--I don’t think Rudy was particularly good, regardless of the Colorado connection.

All in all, the crime is that a couple of the very worst are off the show; the good part is that none of the truly deserving contestants is gone yet.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

American Idol: Okay, Let’s Start Killing Some Dreams Edition

When Simon was asked about the awards won and albums sold by Idol, he seemed proud of AI’s track record. I kind of felt like all those awards and record sales indicate a music industry that is damned near out of new ideas. This isn’t a good thing.

Just call it a difference of opinion.

Rudy Cardenas renders a lovely karaoke performance of “Free Ride.” Okay, that might be a little harsh, but it really was (as Randy said) cheesy.

I hate Paula’s hair.

Commercial Aside: I love those new Dominos commercials with the big-eyed, big-mouthed, big-eared mutants. Mutants are cool.

Things I like about Brandon Rogers: he is experienced, he is talented, he has a good look, and, at 29, he’s all grown up. Let me emphasize that last bit: he actually acts like a grown-up, and it is greatly appreciated.

Still, for as good as his voice is, his performance was off. It simply wasn’t as good as I expected. He needs to take Randy’s advice—simplify the style—and come out with more confidence. He has all the potential in the world, but he needs to perform better in the coming weeks if he expects to stay on the show.

Paula’s hair isn’t getting any better.

Sundance should feel lucky to be on the show, but not in a good way. His first audition was great, but everything that he has done since has been horrible, including his performance tonight. He chose to go safe with “Nights in White Satin”—but safe didn’t turn out well.

Pitchy, uncomfortable, and unimpressive. The g-phrase gets it right: what did he do with the guy from that first audition. Just say no to Sundance.

Luckily for Sundance, though, Paul Kim was even worse. There was no good to find in his minute and a half.

If a good voice were the main requirement for the show, I’m not sure that Chris Richardson’s nasal voice would have had him shipped home long ago. At least he gets the crowd involved, though—his performance was better than most even if his voice wasn’t.

Seriously, what’s with Paula’s hair?

Nick Pedro has an entirely different problem. His voice could really stand out, but he is a bland performer doing an overly safe job on a terribly boring song. It wasn’t good.

But he does get the “Vote for Pedro” crowd, which almost seems unfair.

How can Blake Lewis ride the beatbox thing, I asked myself when it was his turn to sing. The answer was better than I expected. He is smart enough to know that he can’t ride it all the way through—it sets him apart, but not in an entirely good way. Tonight, without even a touch of beatbox, he gives a really good performance.

I didn’t think he had the charisma, I wasn’t sure he had the voice, but damned if he didn’t do best of all the guys tonight. He was the first one to sound as if he actually belonged on the show.

Girl Scout Cookie Aside: Tagalongs are my own personal kryptonite. In case you were wondering.

Could Sanjaya Malakar be a more likeable guy? Seriously, he’s a sweet kid with a decent voice and he looks like a teen idol in the making. He started out a little rough, but he pulled himself together and gave a decent performance—I’m going to have to disagree with all of the judges on this one and say that the kid sounded pretty good.

Full disclosure, though: I’ve never heard the Stevie Wonder original, so I’m not comparing the performance to any specific knowledge of the song.

Poor Sanjaya took it on the chin tonight.

My emotional favorite is definitely Chris Sligh. He’s funny and he’s born to be a performer—luckily, he can actually sing a bit, too, and he knows how to get the audience excited. I give the guy a thumbs up, although I wonder if he can sell albums to teenage girls, and believe that Simon is really talking about the commercial limitations when he’s complaining about Chris’ voice.

Jared could sell songs to teenage girls—but they aren’t very well known for their discerning taste. He won me over when he sang “Cupid” in an earlier performance, but his shot tonight was hideous and messy.

AJ. Yeah. Whatever.

Unhappy Sudden Realization Aside: What the hell do you mean House isn’t on tonight? Stupid bastards.

At moments like this, I really hate American Idol. 

For an active duty navy guy, Phil Stacey does a good impression of a singer. He has a powerful voice—although you wouldn’t have known it from the early portion of his performance tonight—and he has a more masculine presence than most of the other contestants. At first, he sounded like he was being submerged under the music, but once he found his footing, he was brilliant—definitely one of the best of the night.

It wasn’t a memorable night, but there are a few of these guys who have real potential.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

American Idol: Hollywood is Fun

It was enjoyable to watch the warning shot across the bow when Simon send the entire first round of girls packing. He was right: none of them sounded good enough to keep around (although a couple of them were close to cute enough for the job).

Catty Aside: Can I tell you that I was glad to see Sarah going home? As much as it was disappointing to see some of the faces leaving, it felt good to see her off.

This is probably my least favorite show of the year. The speed disqualification in the short show, sending massive groups of singers off without seeing much singing or getting a taste of the personalities involved make it one of the “must miss” shows. Unless, of course, you’re obsessive about writing about the show.

Which I’m not.

Honest.

The group portion of the evening is a little better. The personality clashes and high school drama are grand entertainment when you want to feel superior. This year is even more special, though, because of the “I hate you” moment that came along pretty late in the show.

Amanda, the young woman that believed she made it through the group portion because “God likes good people” (unlike, apparently all of the other people who were kicked from the show), was in dire need of being sent home with a swift, metaphorical kick in the butt. Aside from the fact that God probably doesn’t give too hoots who wins American Idol, it would be hard to imagine Him pulling for a two-faced little girl who abandons her group in the middle of their practice.

God don’t roll like dat.

Which was made evident when Amanda was sent home to exercise her many flirting options. Good riddance.

Honestly, it was a missable show. The real stuff starts later.

Update: An a cool singing note, though, the gorgeous song that you heard at the end of House tonight was Lizz Wright’s “Hit the Ground”, which is, hands down, one of my favorite recent discoveries. You can read an old review here.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

American Idol: The “Are We There Yet?” Edition

So, yeah, I’m pretty sure that Bryan Kyrish made the little Baby Billy Idol cry tonight. But it’s okay because the pretty Haley Scarnato sang his tiny tears away.

Which was nice of her.

Haley has a strong, controlled voice and a beautiful bottom. Which is probably all important in chasing the American Idol dream.

Which, sadly, leads us to Jasmine Holland who really can’t sing. At all. She was right, though: the judges were rude to her. With her level of talent, though, I’m pretty sure the rest of us would’ve been pretty rude, too.

Baylie Brown sent me into fits of “okayyeahwhatever.” Simon praises her hugely after the lukewarm response to the prettier (and, I think, vocally more talented) Haley Scarnato. Sometimes I just don’t get this show.

Girlfriend Aside:
Notably, the g-phrase/f-word disagrees. She says that Baylie was better than Haley, which could go far in defining a lovely little rhyming scheme.

A Wholly Different Aside:
So, do you think they could’ve put a sign on those doors to help people out a bit?

From the moment they grabbed camera time, I liked “Bruce Banner and the Incredible Hulk.” That the Hulk couldn’t sing was a little disappointing, but it didn’t dim his personality even a little bit. Loved him (even though I was glad that he didn’t make it to Hollywood). Just as much, his cousin, Akron Waters deserves the trip. “A Change is Gonna Come” was a good change and I think Sam Cooke would have been proud.

These two are some of my favorites of the year.

Cue the bad audition collage, peaking (?) with Sandy Chavez. Ouch.

Commercial Aside:
I love that Taco Bell “carne asada” ad. The second lion rolls his “r’s” with the same talent that I do. Which fails to impress women like you wouldn’t believe.

Which goes nowhere in explaining the crush I have on Ashlyn Carr. Keep in mind that I wasn’t watching her during the first audition—I just listened—so I missed the odd facial expressions. What I heard, though, was a warm, beautiful voice. The only thing that took away from it was some awkward phrasing. A good coach and some patience would help her with that. God already gave her a warm personality, remarkable beauty, and a compelling voice.

I’m glad that the judges recognized their mistake.

Even better was Jimmy McNeal (spelling?) and his classic vocal style. He was one of the few that I could imagine going out of my way to hear based on his voice, performance, and song choice. “Cupid” was and inspired choice—upbeat, fun, and catchy.